A Nice Guys Guide to Dating Success

Has it ever happened to you? Have you ever had the experience of liking a woman, being a perfect gentleman, and treating her like a queen, only to have her reject you in favor of someone else (possibly very handsome) who doesn't treat her right, or doesn't seem to care about her much at all? These kinds of men have been called "bad boys," "charm boys," or "players." When you are interested in women, do they tend to see you as a friend or "brother" rather than a romantic interest? Do women tell you you're "too nice"? If so, you are not alone. This article will give you, the nice guy, some tips on how to use charm-boy traits to your advantage, while retaining your nice-guy values.

Let's brainstorm for a minute. What makes charm boys or players attractive? They are fun, spontaneous, unpredictable, mysterious, and act as if they don't care what others think of them (also known as confidence). They follow their own rules and don't let others (including their dates) walk all over them. And they often look good.

So what can you do? You don't have to engage in risk-taking behaviors in order to succeed with women. Suggest some "safe" ideas on the spur of the moment; for example, "Let's go get some sushi/ice cream/a Margarita," or, "Let's go for a drive and see where we end up." If this is not the usual "you," you may enjoy your new-found spontaneity. You can be mysterious/unpredictable without violating your principles. Don't call her the day after getting her phone number or the day after a date. Give her time to wonder whether you'll call; keep her guessing. People often want what isn't easy to get, and women like a little challenge.

You're the man. Many women are looking for men who are confident and decisive, who can be relied on to get things done. On a date, take command but don't be pushy. Always have a Plan A and a Plan B, so you don't miss the concert just in case the restaurant loses your reservation and there's a 1-1/2-hour wait. But always be flexible, in case your date hates Chinese food, for example, or she just told you her favorite musical group is in town, tonight only. Low-cost dates conducive to getting to know each other include the zoo, a museum, or miniature golf. In addition to saving you money, these low-cost dates also minimize the feeling that you have to "spoil" her or "buy" her affection with an extravagant wining-and-dining evening. And if she likes you, she won't mind a "cheap" date; she just wants to be with you.

Keep it light and upbeat. Don't be needy or act nervous. You might be a bit anxious while on a date, but she doesn't need to know that. Keep things light and humorous, and pay attention to her. That in itself will help you take the focus off you and help you feel more confident. And be a gentleman (you're already good at this). For example, always offer to pick up the tab unless she insists on paying, open doors for her, etc. But don't overdo the gifts, lest you appear desperate.

Let her talk. This is where nice guys have an advantage. Most women like to communicate verbally and welcome the chance to be heard. (But make sure you listen; don't just let your mind wander.) She will be impressed if you remember details about things that are important to her, such as her pet's name or her favorite book. If you met her online, review her profile for questions you can ask her about her interests.

Neatness counts. Take another hint from the charm boys. You don't have to be a Brad Pitt look-alike, but make the most of what you have. Review your grooming, clothes, and accessories with an objective eye. If you want feedback, ask a friend--possibly a female friend--for honest input. Or tune into one of the new TV shows which focus on wardrobe/grooming tips for men.

Have a life (and a backbone). Just because you are dating a woman doesn't mean you drop everything else (including your own friends, hobbies, and interests). After all, relationships can come and go. Keep being yourself. You are not always at her beck and call. When you really don't want to do something (for example, if she wants you to cancel your ballgame or night out with your friends to go shoe shopping with her), it's okay to decline. Telling her no may be difficult for nice guys, but if she's worth keeping, she will respect you for this and value her time with you more. To soften the blow, you might offer her an alternative get-together. For example, "Sorry I can't make it on Saturday. How about I take you to that new play you've been wanting to see on Sunday instead?"

How does she rate? Remember: You have the right to evaluate her, not just the other way around. Does she deserve a second date? Is she relationship material (if that's what you're looking for)? Just because she's attractive/smart/classy doesn't necessarily mean she's right for you. Does she treat you well? Is she kind? Does she have decent self-esteem? Is she giving? If you're looking for a long-term relationship, can you see yourself still with her in 20 years, when some of the supermodel looks may have begun to fade?

The good news for nice guys is that as women get older, perhaps having survived a bad-boy heartbreak or two, they are more likely to appreciate nice guys. Make a list of your good points, the qualities you have to offer. Keep at it. And start believing that you are a catch (or at least act like it)!

For more information, visit the author's website http://www.therapy-conscious.com

Copyright 2004, Ann L. Palik

Ann L. Palik is a licensed marriage and family therapist in Los Angeles, California, specializing in helping single people create healthy relationships.

---

Why Do So Many People Date Online?

Once upon a time, online dating was a last resort,... Read More

Dating On The Internet Is Growing! See How Online Dating Can Help You Find Available Singles Today

Dating on the Internet is growing rapidly year after year,... Read More

Making The Connection: Tips For Getting Noticed

Chances are that you have had a wide variety of... Read More

1 Step You Should Take to Alleviate Anxiety When Meeting Women

Has a similar scenario like this one ever happened to... Read More

When it Comes to Multicultural Dating The Most Important Ingredient is Love

Have you been only dating people from your own ethnic... Read More

Funnel Your Way to Love

I call it "The Funnel." And it's the best way... Read More

Online Dating Makes Searching For a Partner Fun

Some have said that online dating is an impersonal relationship.... Read More

Men: Never Compliment a Woman You Want to Date

Hello Lucia,I regularly compliment women and tell them that I... Read More

Look Your Best With Some First Date Grooming Tips

So the big night is quickly approaching, your first big... Read More

How to Create A Romantic Dinner for Two on a Pontoon Boat

Before you pick up the phone to make reservations for... Read More

COMING SOON??Online Attractions

In my attempts to find the love of my life,... Read More

Instant Dating Strategies Anyone Can Use

Most of us walk around caught up in our own... Read More

How to Carry Yourself With the Body Language of an Alpha Male

Watch Brad Pitt, George Clooney, or any other man with... Read More

If You Want A Date, Promote Yourself!

How to find a date? Promote yourself! That's one of... Read More

Finding Compatible E-Dates

In the world of online dating misrepresentation is at an... Read More

Love Notes: What DoYou Mean? Secrets of Clear Communication

Recently a man I had met through match.com sent me... Read More

Dating Tips that Work- Which of the Three Types of Women Should You be Dating?

When most "dating gurus" and sex therapists spout their dating... Read More

How To Find a Great Dating Partner and Have Fun Looking

Internet dating can be great fun for you. It is... Read More

Top 10 reasons to Find a Date Online

I'm often surprised by the number of people who are... Read More

How To Gain Her Trust From The Start

For a woman to have sex with a guy, she... Read More

Choosing an Online Dating Service

The task of choosing the best dating site to join... Read More

Dating Tips: Share a Little More Personal on Yourself

Have you been dating for a long time but felt... Read More

If You Really Need A Dating Quiz, Maybe You Shouldnt Be Dating

Q. My boyfriend failed a dating quiz. Should I dump... Read More

Got a Blind Date Right Around the Corner?

Got a case of the blind date? Oh yes we... Read More

Saying What You Really Want To Say

Have you ever been talking to someone you are interested... Read More