Marching Towards Mothers Day

"Mother: the most beautiful word on the lips of mankind." -Kahil Gibran

This coming Sunday is our "big day," moms. It's the one day a year when we get officially honored for what it is that we do. I don't know about you, but I usually find myself reflecting on exactly what my role is, anyway. Motherhood has evolved over the past two generations into a job which, many would argue, looks far different than the job our own mothers knew. And given the unfortunate-and oftentimes divisive-dichotomy between "working mom" and "stay-at-home mom" with which many categorize themselves, the job description sometimes gets fuzzier, rather than clearer. Does extensive volunteer work place you under the "working" or "stay-at-home" group? Does a part-time position at your kids' school or at your church push you out of the group with which you always identified yourself? And our role changes, after all, as our kids grow up. Options-as well as the resulting disequilibrium in shifting family dynamics-intrude on what once was a fairly easy job description to comprehend.

Controversy about motherhood is nothing new. Thousands of books, articles and commentaries have been written about our dilemmas ad nauseam. As if forty-and fifty something moms haven't wrestled long enough with their career-parenting decisions, young moms get additional fuel for their fires with glaring mainstream media headlines-just in time for Mother's Day. Throw in a new poll or two-as well as more advice and analysis by traditional parenting "experts"-M.D.'s and Ph.D.'s-and you have more psychobabble than the baby-burble running down these sleep-deprived mommy's sleeves!

Articles like the New York Times "The Opt-Out Revolution"; best-sellers like Perfect Madness: Motherhood in the Age of Anxiety; and critics calling motherhood everything from a "trap" to a "cult" to a "myth" to a "mess," turn notions about our role upside down and leave moms everywhere confused and conflicted. Look at some recent media messages:

? Author/journalist Judith Warner of Perfect Madness fame claims that: "a substantial number of GenX moms (are) too focused on perfection, too focused on their children, too competitive with one another, and that it's driving all moms crazy and providing their kids with no benefits." She asserts that there's an "oppressive culture of 'total motherhood' that "leaves no room for mothers' own interests" with "suffocation" the direct result.

? Sumru Erkut of the Center for Research on Women at Wellesley College, asserts that: societal expectations for moms have been "racheted up by professional moms who've 'upgraded motherhood to a bigger job than it used to be'" and views these moms as having "misplaced vigor."

? New York Times book critic Judith Shulevitz, commenting on Warner (who said that motherhood has gone from "art" to "cult") calls the job a "mess" and motherhood a "trap powered by fear of a loss of face."

? A recent article by journalist Meredith O'Brien in an online Boston paper headlines with: The Mommy Myth: Mothers pay a high price to be perfect. (Since when did we start attaching the word "myth" to "mommy?")

Pretty bleak picture of motherhood, huh? Hold onto your pantyhose. These journalists only paint part of the story. I dug into the facts, studied their articles, read the data and checked out their credentials. I came up with a totally different picture of motherhood and boldly challenge their assertions:

? A brand new poll (April 25) by ClubMom reveals that 63% of moms admit to feeling no pressure to live up to a "society-driven version of the 'perfect mom.'" This same poll finds that most moms are "happy" with their family relationships.

? 51% of those GenXer's they're talking about have traded super careers for motherhood because when they viewed the trade-offs required to "gun" their own careers (and some believe, through direct observation of their own working moms), they decided that the sacrifices required just weren't worth it.

? 79% of moms overall rate their own sense of well-being an "A" or "B"; 84% believe they are able to keep their minds sharp and active; and 76% rate their overall health (mental and physical) as high.

? In stark contrast to the "trap" or "mess" that these experts call motherhood, polls find that only 10% of working moms would choose to work full-time if money were no object, i.e. some 90% of moms would prefer the "trap" of motherhood to the workforce.

? Of Harvard Business School's women graduates of '81, '85, and '91-women currently in the fortysomething crowd-only 38% are working full-time.

? 26% of women at the cusp of the most senior levels of management do not want that next promotion, choosing more time at home with family over career advancement.

This job of motherhood is huge, it is vitally important, and those of us on the frontlines know it. Moms at home raising children today are there because we view our job as the most important one ever invented. I am working hard to help "put motherhood with excellence back on the map." That's what "rocket mom" is all about. I uphold with unapologetic optimism the distinct role we mothers play in shaping human destiny. If that's called "over parenting" or a "myth" or a "cult" or a "trap" or a "mess," than somebody better wake up and flip the pancakes.

I don't have all the answers; in fact, I have only a few. I don't pretend to be the world's best mother; just ask my kids how often I throw up my hands in frustration and resignation. But I am intent of helping moms-and our culture at large-review and renew the importance of what we do. I don't care if you work in the home or work in a beautiful office; divisions among moms are unhealthy. Truth is, once we have children, we're all in this together.

I just wish to inspire you, encourage you, and celebrate with you, the honorable role we play in shaping this whole next generation to greatness. On Mother's Day. And everyday.

Happy celebration!

Carolina Fernandez earned an M.B.A. and worked at IBM and as a stockbroker at Merrill Lynch before coming home to work as a wife and mother of four. She totally re-invented herself along the way. Strong convictions were born about the role of the arts in child development; homeschooling for ten years provided fertile soil for devising creative parenting strategies. These are played out in ROCKET MOM! 7 Strategies To Blast You Into Brilliance. It is available on Amazon.com, in bookstores everywhere, or by calling 888-476-2493. She writes extensively for a variety of parenting resources and teaches other moms via parenting classes and radio and TV interviews. Please visit http://www.rocketmom.com to subscribe to her free ezine and get a weekly shot of inspiration.

---

Top 5 Ways for an ADD Adult to Have a Happy Holiday

Holidays have the potential to send an adult with Attention... Read More

Valentines Day! The Sweet and Romantic Holiday

When I think of Valentines Day I think of Chocolates... Read More

Top 50 Christmas Quotations

"Let us remember that the Christmas heart is a giving... Read More

Easter Flowers

Easter is Sunday, March 27th! Don't forget the flowers! Your... Read More

Inexpensive Christmas Stocking Stuffer Ideas For Kids

After all the gifts have been purchased and placed under... Read More

Five Inexpensive Ways to Help Your Children Invest in Holiday Memories

Christmas memories are never dependent on the amount of money... Read More

Creative Kid Birthday Cake Ideas

A Creative Dream Come TrueA hush falls over the room... Read More

Christmas Gifts For Dog Lovers

Let's admit it, the US and UK are both countries... Read More

Ill Be Home For Christmas

Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 29,... Read More

The Gift of Failure

During this Thanksgiving holiday, we are reminded to reflect on... Read More

Create a Holiday Feast For The Senses

This is my daughter's first Christmas. Naomi will be nearly... Read More

Get Organised for Christmas... NOW!

Hasn't time flown? Only six weeks to Christmas!Now you may... Read More

Maybe This Christmas Will Be Different....

Have you always dreamed of a Norman Rockwell Christmas -... Read More

Top 20 New Years Quotations

"Here's to the bright New Year, and a fond farewell... Read More

10 Great Gift Ideas for Fathers Day

What do you get for the man who has always... Read More

Terrible at choosing gifts?

Need help with gifts? Not everyone is good at choosing... Read More

What Are And How To Use Free Ecard and Free Ecards

You can consider free ecards as being the same thing... Read More

Traditional Anniversary Gifts Year by Year, the Twentieth - One Hundred Years

Twentieth through the twenty-fourth anniversaries traditional gift is china. Vintage... Read More

How Parents Can Win the Battle To Keep Your Child Safe From Strangers This Holiday Season

When we think of Holiday shopping, we think of all... Read More

Holiday Gift Ideas For Antique Lovers

1. Knowledge is Power. Whatever the area of collecting ?... Read More

Greeting Card Tango: How To Impress, Not Stress, During The Holidays

When it comes to holiday greeting cards, to send or... Read More

Birthday Flowers

Birthdays are one thing you can count on. We all... Read More

Getting Great Pictures of the Kids this Halloween

There she was in all her glory. Long white lab... Read More

Mother?s Day Crafts

Make these quick and easy crafts with your children for... Read More

Children?s Birthday Party Locations and Ideas

While most children's birthday parties are held at home, you... Read More