Got Originality?

There are many ways to be original these days. But unfortunately I cannot reveal any of these ways because the followers would then not be original, would they? Now, I realize that somewhere between one to two people would have followed the advice I gave, but just in case my calculations were off - and it turns out three would have followed - I need to be careful about what I write ?

One slogan which completely frustrates me due to its lack of originality is "got ____?" That's right - that lowercase phrase which was formerly synonymous with milk (and is now synonymous with everything) is so cliché that it's even cliché to write "got cliché?" But the worst is not behind us. The other day I saw a sign for an ATM machine that asked the question, "got cash?" This makes me wonder how far the slogan will extend before it finally fades. Here are five signs which I hope we never see, for any of them could mean the end of the world as we know it. And if it's the end of the world, how will we ever be able to celebrate the end of that slogan?

5. got goats? - I am not sure why this one would scare me. I guess it's something about selling goats to the mainstream that throws me off, or maybe I am afraid that too many far-sighted people will think it's an advertisement for coats. Either way, goats don't need to be a part of such a cliched scheme in order to be sold. That would be very baaaad. At least that's what a sheep told me.

4. got gas? - Just imagine the confusion. Those who need fuel in their cars would stop in order to fill their tanks. But what about those who just came back from the local Taco Bell? They don't need to be at a station where they can get gas. Rather, they need to be at a place where? Well, you get the picture.

3. got snot? - We don't need to be selling snot, let alone buying it. But if we are ever at a point where snot is something in which people become interested, let's not hold down the sales by asking people if they have it, because ultimately everybody does.

2. got my mother? - No..

1. got death? - If cemeteries start using this slogan, then we know the world has become too commercialized. Not only is it a morbid statement, but those who can answer in the affirmative will not even be given the opportunity to do so.

But I digress.

Greg Gagliardi is a teacher and writer. His stream-of-consciousness weekly humor column, "Progressive Revelations," has been ongoing since 1998. (http://www.ProgressiveRevelations.com)

---

The Restaurant Chronicles, Part 1

Have you ever heard that saying, "The show must go... Read More

Starbucks Going into Hilton

Well, I hope you did not read that headline wrong,... Read More

Voodoo Munchies

Looking for a lighthearted and fun way to remove the... Read More

Miss Cleo Was a Fake... NO - Really? YES Maaan!

With her Jamaican accent Miss Cleo, a self proclaimed psychic... Read More

The Hidden Driveway

I won't lie: there are a lot of things I... Read More

And the World Goes Round

If you are a citizen of UK or Australia, you... Read More

Health Club Regulars ?- Some of the People Youre Likely To Meet at the Gym

One of the great benefits of belonging to a health... Read More

Eye Spy Potatoes

Lately I've had the problem of falling asleep with my... Read More

Playing Go-Between in the Digital Age

NOTE: This article was originally published in May 2000 at... Read More

The Jokes On You -- Who Should be the Butt of Your Jokes?

This article was prompted by something I heard (second hand)... Read More

When Humans and Dogs Collide: Negotiations for Todays Changing Times

This morning I decided to find myself. I originally looked... Read More

Poor Rixs Almanac 8-13-05

Dear Poor Rix: A guy just invited me to a... Read More

Beyond Black and White

Over visiting a neighbor the other day?"Would you like a... Read More

Essential Laughter

Take time to laugh at yourself and the ridiculous in... Read More

American Independence ? The True Story

It was late in 1775, and King George III was... Read More

The Spare Parts Gremlins

Don't you just love getting a little something extra? Sure... Read More

If, An Online Marketers Internet Addiction Poem, Can You Relate to This?

IF, An Online Internet Marketing PoemIf before you have turned... Read More

3 Surefire Ways To Combat Rising Gas Prices

I have heard the rumblings of many of you in... Read More

Setting History Straight

Have you ever heard the name Will Schwenk? Or the... Read More

Pee Here Now

Several years ago, I switched health insurance companies and my... Read More

Norm Goldman Interviews Comedienne Fran Capo,the Guinness Book Worlds Record for the Fastest Talking

Today, Norm Goldman, Editor of Sketchandtravel & Bookpleasures is delighted... Read More

Slip-sliding On A Peel

Every day, or at least every other day, we make... Read More

Mexican Spaminator

When we decided to move to Mexico, one of the... Read More

The Zapp Principle

My dad's lab was a mess, but then it was... Read More

Its All About Seeing the Signs

Ace of Base hasn't seen the sign for quite some... Read More