Used Condom Found In Restaurant Salad Bar; Waiter Embarrassed To Tears

Evidence of after-hours activity turned up at a Big Boy restaurant salad bar in Detroit last week, embarrassing not only the perpetrators, but nearly everyone associated with the company.

Apparently, Mike Finney and Rhonda Carrion were working together to close down the restaurant's soup, salad and dessert bar and, with no one else around, culminated a night of flirting with sexual intercourse right on the bar. Witnesses said they'd been flirting almost the entire shift, and that it was just a matter of time before this happened.

"I speak for the entire company," said Big Boy spokesman, Bob Shue, "when I say that we are completely, totally, and unequivocally embarrassed at this whole situation. I mean, did you see how small that condom was. Nobody could possibly have a penis that small..."

Added Shue, "This really gives Big Boy a bad name."

The condom was found by the morning set up crew who initially mistook the prophylactic for a pencil erasure. The incident was immediately reported to the kitchen supervisor. "I didn't know what the hell it was at first," he said. "I thought it was a chewed-up chicklet."

Due to the incident, two of the original employees on the scene requested the rest of the day off because they are reportedly still on the break room floor, rolling around with uncontrollable laughter.

"I didn't think we served shrimp until Friday," said one doubled-over employee. "The toothpicks are supposed to be at the front door. I just peed my pants..."

Finney was unavailable for comment due to the fact that he was reportedly extremely shaken up, and "crying like a little girl." Adding to his predicament, he faces a mandatory write-up, and the possibility of up to a three-day suspension.

"Rhonda is who I really feel bad for," said Shue, "I offered her paid leave, but she wants to work through this...poor thing."

Carrion did, however, release a brief statement offering an apology to everyone involved, saying that she was "totally embarrassed" and "completely unaware we even had sex."

After over 12 years as a waiter and bartender, Dennis Rymarz walked completely away from the business and launched Don't Tip the Waiter, a one-of-a-kind satirical publication that reports fictional news and events from the restaurant industry.

Initially intended specifically for servers and bartenders, the publication is now read by a rapidly growing audience that includes just about anyone who goes out to eat.

Don't Tip the Waiter is distributed free-of-charge to bars and restaurants in the Detroit area, and can be read on line at http://donttipthewaiter.com

---

Dog Poo - And You Thought You Had Problems

In Southern Germany in a town by the name of... Read More

Stopping Bad Breath Bart

"Pee-ew! You smell like a skunk soaking in sardine nectar... Read More

3 Surefire Ways To Combat Rising Gas Prices

I have heard the rumblings of many of you in... Read More

A Lawyers Favorite Lawyer Jokes

Lawyer JokesQ: How does a pregnant woman know she is... Read More

Restaurant Manager Gives Out Sexual Favors As Performance Bonus, Raise

While many restaurant workers worry and sweat in anticipation of... Read More

Silver Linings Are Everywhere

Viagra. That one word packs a lot of punch. Let's... Read More

Freudian Slippage

Saturday morning. I went, in the early morning, to the... Read More

Short Story: Take a Trip To The Temple Of The Great Tomato

Jimmy Jenkins Jr. is not an adventurer, traveler, or pioneer.... Read More

A French Teachers Memories: First Day at School

Despite my diplomas that allowed me to teach in state... Read More

Miss Cleo Was a Fake... NO - Really? YES Maaan!

With her Jamaican accent Miss Cleo, a self proclaimed psychic... Read More

When Humans and Dogs Collide: Negotiations for Todays Changing Times

This morning I decided to find myself. I originally looked... Read More

Valet Parking: Theft with Consent

This column is long overdue. To put it in library... Read More

How To Marry A Wealthy Guy

How To Marry A Wealthy Guy(or Girl... Or at least... Read More

25 Reasons You Might Need to Wear a Welding Helmet

A welding helmet is a safety device worn for protection... Read More

How to Build a Cobblestone House

He huffed and he puffed and he blew the house... Read More

Sell [Your] Phones

Today while driving I saw a young girl, probably around... Read More

Mexican Spaminator

When we decided to move to Mexico, one of the... Read More

Humor Under The Keyboards

For me, the piano is the symbol of what is... Read More

The Hidden Driveway

I won't lie: there are a lot of things I... Read More

Do Americans Really Understand Irony?

Let me start by saying that 'I am an American'... Read More

The Restaurant Chronicles, Part 1

Have you ever heard that saying, "The show must go... Read More

Essential Laughter

Take time to laugh at yourself and the ridiculous in... Read More

Its All About Seeing the Signs

Ace of Base hasn't seen the sign for quite some... Read More

Not Your Average Sunday Morning

Just recently my ex-husband stopped in to visit during his... Read More

Eye Spy Potatoes

Lately I've had the problem of falling asleep with my... Read More