When Humans and Dogs Collide: Negotiations for Todays Changing Times

This morning I decided to find myself. I originally looked forward to the spiritual journey that would define who I was as a person. But then I looked into my mirror and realized that the person I saw in that mirror was me. So I then figured, why spend all this time finding myself when I already know where I am?

Since I allotted around 80 years for this quest and finished it in about eight seconds, I had some free time that I needed to devote to a cause. I had a great idea: I would purposely drop a dog so that the owner of that dog would ask me what I was doing, to which I could respond, "Well, my cause was to see your reaction and my effect was, indeed, your reaction." This would make my cause and effect almost the same. But I had to give up on trying this experiment, because - after all - where would I possibly find a dog?

Dogs are funny individuals in that people claim to love them, but when it comes down to it, we have so many negative terms which revolve around them. For example, if you are told that you are being sent to the doghouse, that doesn't mean you are being tossed to an area of luxury. More so, you will be sent to the same place as the dog, some small area consisting of a leaky roof and a food bowl. Although owners try to convince their dogs that this is some sort of fantasy land, the reality is that most owners wouldn't want to spend more than 15 minutes in one. Those who do spend more than 15 minutes are only doing so because they are stuck in the location...

On the other hand, we also have the sporting statement, "Hey, buddy, I dogged you in that race." Of course the statement can exist without the "hey, buddy," but what fun would that be? Such a statement means, basically, that one person defeated the other in a race in such a way that a dog would defeat a human. Now, this is the opposite of the doghouse reputation, because here the dogs are given more credit than humans as opposed to less. This could only mean one thing: the dogs negotiated this with the humans in order to assure respect from the general populace...

But who are these dogs? And, more importantly, who were the humans asked to negotiate? I don't have a problem with dogs, but if we are going to negotiate with them, I think we should send some of our best humans to do so. Otherwise, imagine the potential chaos:

Human: Okay, so let's negotiate here.

Dog: How about you give us the power to speak, like I am right now, and we will allow you to rename tree covering to "speak" instead of "bark"?

Human: You are too fair. Let's do that immediately. But to make sure you are not getting ripped off, we will throw in some table scraps from an all-you-can-eat-restaurant where everyone thinks they are bigger eaters than they really are.

Dog: Agreed.

Human: Bark!

But I digress.

Greg Gagliardi is a teacher and writer. His stream-of-consciousness weekly humor column, "Progressive Revelations," has been ongoing since 1998. (http://www.ProgressiveRevelations.com)

---

Sweet Vengeance Purrfected

I love animals but cats are my favorites. There's just... Read More

Cloning Advantage Super Families

As the cloning debate of humankind continues we find ourselves... Read More

Mexican Spaminator

When we decided to move to Mexico, one of the... Read More

Humans are like Monkeys

Humans think much like monkeys and other primates, not much... Read More

Laughing Toward Truth: Six Tips for Lighthearted Thinkers

Do you believe in the power of your convictions?It's time... Read More

The Restaurant Chronicles, Part 1

Have you ever heard that saying, "The show must go... Read More

The Zapp Principle

My dad's lab was a mess, but then it was... Read More

Used Condom Found In Restaurant Salad Bar; Waiter Embarrassed To Tears

Evidence of after-hours activity turned up at a Big Boy... Read More

Humor Under The Keyboards

For me, the piano is the symbol of what is... Read More

How To Get Attention, or: As You Read This, You Feel an Irresistible Urge to Go On Reading!

We all want attention. As children we crave the attention... Read More

When Humans and Dogs Collide: Negotiations for Todays Changing Times

This morning I decided to find myself. I originally looked... Read More

3 Surefire Ways To Combat Rising Gas Prices

I have heard the rumblings of many of you in... Read More

When It Rains, It Pours: Creating a Plan

It's time for me to announce that I have a... Read More

Saving SpongeBob Using High Tech

Put Active RFID Satellite Tags in SpongeBobsSpongeBob has been in... Read More

The Jokes On You -- Who Should be the Butt of Your Jokes?

This article was prompted by something I heard (second hand)... Read More

If, An Online Marketers Internet Addiction Poem, Can You Relate to This?

IF, An Online Internet Marketing PoemIf before you have turned... Read More

Funny Things We Dream

I often wonder why I wake up so happy, ready... Read More

Fried Green Tomatoes Recipe

My next-door neighbors found a human bone in their backyard.... Read More

Bed Bugs Bite

I just turned on the news a minute ago and... Read More

25 Reasons You Might Need to Wear a Welding Helmet

A welding helmet is a safety device worn for protection... Read More

The Army Corp of Engineers Having Issues Fixing Breach

The Army Corp of engineers is having a tough time... Read More

Coffee Tips (and the Elimination Thereof)

I have recently become frustrated with something at doughnut establishments,... Read More

If Real People Ran the Bank - I (a spoof for the heart)

Banish Loans ForeverIf ordinary, hard-working, people ran the bank... the... Read More

Health Club Regulars ?- Some of the People Youre Likely To Meet at the Gym

One of the great benefits of belonging to a health... Read More

Nine Movies That Make You Want To Yell, Stop Saying That

Movie moments are nice things to share with the people... Read More