A Pickup Line

Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 11, 2002

I just started a wonderful new job. The atmosphere is laid-back, and the people alone make the place fantastic. The best of them all is my boss. She is 29, a month my elder, and very comely in appearance.

At first I was merely attracted to her, but as time went on, I fell hard. I couldn't put my finger on it, but she has such a sweet and gentle spirit. Problem is she's not only my boss. She's married.

At weekly meetings, I didn't want them to end. I'd lose focus during the conversation. I'd stare at her when she was talking. She is such a delightful and special person I couldn't help it. I wished I could be with her all day.

On some occasions, I thought she had to know this. It was killing me inside. She'd walk by me in a sundress, and I'd look her over. I would notice her looking down at me coyishly, then she'd get a call from her husband and be all happy to hear from him. I cut my eyes back to my computer, upset.

I thought I had to tell her, so one Friday, I did. She told me everything I needed to hear. She said she was happily married. I said I wouldn't hurt her in her career. She told me to get over it. I told her it was done, but that I love her in a way that makes me want to do the best for her.

I want to be there for her, but now she's very cold to me. I say hello in the hallway and she walks by me quicker. Her actions appear scripted. It sears my soul every day to think I hurt or scared her in any way. Will things return to normal so we can be close friends in spite of all this?

Reynold

Reynold, you will never be close friends because friends is not what you want from her. She gave you no opening for your remarks. You created a problem for her with a subordinate, a problem with no easy solution except to keep you at arm's length.

You created a permanent difficulty in your new job, one which can influence your chances for raises and promotion. The only solution is to keep your eyes and your thoughts to yourself and do your job.

You are looking at this strictly from your own point of view. Where did you get the idea you can tell any married woman you are romantically and sexually attracted to her? That would mean, when you marry, any man is free to hit on your wife.

When crossing the street, it is best to look both ways. If you think only of your own objective, the opposite curb, you are likely to get run over.

Wayne & Tamara

Failed Strategy

In April I cheated on my husband and let him find out. I swore to him it was over and wouldn't happen again, but I've been stringing along the guy I cheated with, telling him I love him and keeping him in the background just in case things didn't get better with my husband.

Well, my husband found out and now wants a divorce. I don't. I can't see myself without him. I am scared this time I will lose him for good.

Angel

Angel, your letter reminds us of the Aesop's fable about the dog carrying a chunk of meat in his mouth. When he looked into the water, he saw another dog with a larger piece of meat. In grabbing for it the dog lost both pieces, the real and the imaginary.

Your backup plan was your undoing. It proved to your husband why second chances are often unwarranted. Do you understand the moral of the story? Greediness can cause us to lose everything.

Wayne & Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Have a Green Day, Every Day!

Green symbolises growth. Growth requires change and transformation. This article... Read More

Selfish Beings

Trouble, trouble, trouble. Nothing but trouble. The night before, I... Read More

Make Life Work: Repair the Relationship with Yourself

What areas of your life are working well? Career? Finances?Relationships?... Read More

How To Walk On The Path Of Peace (Part 2)

If you are praying daily for wisdom, for peace, a... Read More

Random Thoughts on Living Your Best Life

More things I've noticed along the way:* Our son's birthday... Read More

The Rumble in the Jungle: Revealing Greatness

The other night I was watching a documentary on that... Read More

Directions For Life

Give people more than they expect and do it... Read More

Attaining Financial Freedom

Financial freedom is not about having enough money to spend... Read More

Pattern of Ripples

The Emmaus Journal Pattern of RipplesPicture within your mind an... Read More

The Family

Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 19,... Read More

What is Passion?

What is passion? Recently after a presentation, I was once... Read More

Whats Simple?

If you walk up to a stranger in the grocery... Read More

Create 10 Delightful Daily Habits

Practising extreme self-care in our life involves practising good "daily"... Read More

Dread Disease Dragged Out My Best

In denial, I was slow to accept Multiple Sclerosis. Who,... Read More

A Life of Purposes Extraction

Purpose. What is purpose? Drinking coffee when you wake up... Read More

Healing from Within

"We are responsible for everything in our lives, including how... Read More

What is Your Recovery Rate?

What is your recovery rate? How long does it take... Read More

Comfort and Achievement

I'll share with you one of my deepest insights about... Read More

Journals You Can Keep

Besides your daily feelings, thoughts, and experiences journal, there are... Read More

Look To Trees To Help You Keep Balanced And Focused While Achieving Your Dreams

Do you remember looking up through the branches of a... Read More

Reach Your Dreams

About fifteen years ago I was rummaging through some old... Read More

A Life Time of Strategic Thinking

You may be one of the thousands who think "Strategic... Read More

Dream Board

DREAM IT, CREATE IT, BECOME ITIf you've been reading my... Read More

Why Self Esteem Matters

A number of years ago I worked for one of... Read More

Getting Unstuck

According to the Buddhists, between January 29 and February 12... Read More