Fashionably Late

Direct Answers - Column for the week of January 6, 2003

What can a couple say and do when they have been late in getting wedding thank yous out to people? We have been married two years, with two separations among other serious challenges, and finally want to send cards.

At the same time we are embarrassed about our difficulties in marriage and getting out the cards. One of the problems is my wife's response when I asked if she would like to do this project together. She told me we have more important things to work on and even said, "They are mostly your friends. You can do them yourself!"

The cards are only the tip of the iceberg as far as our problems go. I wish I could hear some kind of answer from her like, "Yes, honey, why don't we?" Part of me feels like doing them myself and signing my name only because I thought wives were supposed to take care of this.

Ladd

Ladd, the new year is a time for new beginnings. Do it! Get enough stamps, write the cards all at once, and mail them before you lose your nerve. Nearly everyone appreciates a heartfelt apology, and during the holiday season nearly everyone is in a good mood.

Spend a few moments to rough out the message. A thank you coupled with a simple statement of regret for waiting so long is enough. You might say better late than never, or you might mention you've often thought of their gift and realized they haven't been thanked. If you remember what they gave, mention it. If not, don't worry about it. Use whatever expression comes naturally.

You never have to apologize for your own marital challenges. They are your business and no one else's. Don't worry about how people will take your thank you notes. Almost everyone will think well of you for having the courage to act.

This issue is bothering you. Evidently it doesn't bother your wife. Since the doing is to satisfy you, her participation is not required. Don't let the little negative voice within you make you fail to act just because she is unwilling to act.

Sign both names to the cards. The gift givers are not part of that problem. The point is to thank them. Once you get past this burden, you can look at other problems in your relationship. Perhaps this is your inner nature saying, With a little effort I can solve the problems which are weighing on me.

Wayne & Tamara

Terms Of Endearment

Without typing a page on how faithful I am, let me just say I love my wife very much. However, I am not sure if she has feelings for another man. In three years of marriage this thought never occurred to me before.

Recently we moved and transferred jobs. We both work long hours. Whenever I called her at work or she called me, she always called me honey or anything but my first name. Since we've been together it's always been this way when we talk on the telephone. Until now. Now she calls me Stan when a certain male coworker of hers is near.

I guess the reason I realized this is because it sounded so strange to hear. I am not the jealous type but this has me wondering. Am I reading too much into this? I have not noticed any other change in her whatsoever.

Stan

Stan, next time you talk to your wife at work and she calls you by name, try this. Tell her you are feeling the need for a little reassurance. Ask her to tell you she loves you, and ask her, for your peace of mind, to call you darling.

If she refuses or jokes her way out of your request, tell her when she gets home you would like to discuss something that's been on your mind.

Tamara

About The Author

Authors and columnists Wayne and Tamara Mitchell can be reached at www.WayneAndTamara.com.

Send letters to: Direct Answers, PO Box 964, Springfield, MO 65801 or email: DirectAnswers@WayneAndTamara.com.

---

Meatballs: Friend, or Foe?

We all have those moments, don't we? We're right in... Read More

One Night Stand

Direct Answers - Column for the week of February 24,... Read More

My Mothers Garden

I love to talk about Purposeful Living with others and... Read More

A Reason For Living in a Nutshell

In brief, my book A REASON FOR LIVING is the... Read More

Rocking The Boat

I work in a factory, and we have supervisors who... Read More

The Serpents Genesis 1 and 2

Not long after the beginning a being fell from the... Read More

Why Buddhism Succeeds - The Right Thing is the Thing to do

The ongoing teachings are exemplified in an understanding and execution... Read More

You Can Make a Difference

When I study of world these days, I see a... Read More

A Dream is Just a Dream ... Or is It?

Some people dismiss dreams as nonsense, thought patterns running amuck... Read More

Escape into Reality and Find Love

The early months of this year brought major challenges, as... Read More

The Great Challenge of Life

Here's the great challenge of life - You can have... Read More

You Are a Beautiful Person

I wish that I could tell every person that I... Read More

Ignorance and Fantasy

Are beliefs not often the children of ignorance and fantasy?... Read More

Naomi and the 5 Life Lessons

Not long ago, I attended a seminar that featured Naomi... Read More

Realistic Living

" The fountain of content must spring up in the... Read More

The Challenge To Succeed

So much has been written about success that one often... Read More

Searching for the Meaning of Life!

Are you looking for the meaning of life?You work all... Read More

I Dare You To Be Successful

Just imagine how it would feel to be successful...., to... Read More

Future Prediction

Direct Answers - Column for the week of December 13,... Read More

Freudian Slip

Direct Answers - Column for the week of November 17,... Read More

The Fuel for Creative Vigor

Writing a book or creating a killer headline requires a... Read More

Fail Your Way To The Top

Have you had a challenging day or week? Feel a... Read More

Perception

My friend Donald said to me one evening, "this is... Read More

Innocent Fun

Just the other day, I escaped the business of my... Read More

Today is Yesterdays Tomorrow

The problem with waiting until tomorrow is that when it... Read More