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14 Times The Office Needed a Compliance Hotline

Posted in Funny and tagged ,

Compliance In The Office

The Office is a mockumentary that follows the employees of Dunder Mifflin around to document their daily activities. I know this show well as I’ve been binge watching it for the last few weeks. In between bathroom breaks and heating up hot-pockets, I came to a realization – all of their troubles could have been solved with a compliance hotline.

A compliance, or whistleblower hotline, is a service that is in place to help keep workplaces safe and efficient by providing an outlet for employees to call to report issues. Whether an employee puts another employee’s belongings in jell-o, or they witness their boss throwing watermelons off the roof into the parking lot, compliance hotlines allow employees to report incidents anonymously.

Check out the 14 examples below of when the Dunder Mifflin gang should have been calling a compliance hotline (although we’re glad they didn’t, or else the show probably would have been a drag).

Season 1, episode 2: Diversity Day

Violation: Inappropriate behavior.

Michael performs a Chris Rock stand up routine (poorly) which offends the office and forces Corporate to conduct a diversity seminar. Michael doesn’t believe that he is the cause and decides to do the stand up routine again (still poorly).

Season 1, episode 3: Health Care

Violation: HIPAA.

Michael is tasked with finding a new healthcare plan, and pawns it off to Dwight. Dwight has everyone write down their health issues without their names to remain anonymous. After people wrote down fake or irrational issues (because no one takes him seriously), Dwight forces everyone to speak up when he reads theirs off. This is a huge HIPAA compliance no-no.

Season 2, episode 20: Drug Testing

Violation: Using another employee’s urine to pass a drug test.

When Dwight finds a joint in the parking lot, he takes it upon himself to interview each employee. After he finds this method isn’t effective, he calls the drug testing company to collect urine samples. However, Michael went to an Alicia Key’s concert a few nights before and may have gotten high accidentally. He then asks to use Dwight’s urine, which is illegal.

Season 2, episode 21: Conflict Resolution

Violation: Airing confidential information.

Michael learns that his employees have been filing complaints with Toby in HR. He then steals the complaint folder from Toby and takes it upon himself to air everybody’s grievances with each other to try and help resolve conflicts. However, in true Michael fashion he only manages to upset everyone.

Season 3, episode 19: The Negotiation

Violation: Assault.

Roy comes in the office to fight Jim. Dwight pepper sprays Roy. Andy comes back from anger management. Dwight pepper sprays Andy. Dwight is then forced to give up all his weapons that are hidden throughout the office. Tip: don’t let your employees have weapons.

Season 3, episode 20: Safety Training

Violation: Unsafe work environment.

Michael decides he is qualified to use the forklift in the warehouse and knocks over all of the shelves, despite Darryl’s safety training seminar.

Season 4, episode 15: Night Out

Violation: Inappropriate behavior.

Michael and Dwight go to a club with Ryan to try and pick up chicks. Michael takes a photo of Dwight kissing a girl and mass texts it to everyone in the office. Why? Because he’s Michael.

Season 4, episode 16: Did I Stutter?

Violation: Hurtful comments.

Michael calls Pam ugly because she’s wearing glasses. The poor girl didn’t have her contacts!

Season 5, episode 2: Weight Loss (Part 2)

Violation: Promoting unhealthy habits.

In an effort to win the company’s weight loss challenge, Kelly eats what she thinks is a tapeworm, which she bought off of Creed.

Season 5, episode 14: Stress Relief (Part 1)

Violation: Putting everyone in danger & causing damage to work property.

After Dwight runs a fire safety class and no one takes him seriously, he tries to teach everyone a lesson by starting an office fire. Calamity ensues and Stanley has a heart attack. Ring Ring, we’d like to report an incident.

Season 6, episode 1: Gossip

Violation: Spreading rumors.

When Michael feels left out because no one shares secrets with him, he tells everyone that Stanley is having an affair, which he learned from one of the interns. Then, he spreads rumors about everyone to try and cover up Stanley’s secret. People eventually trace all the rumors back to Michael. Oops!

Season 6, episode 13: Secret Santa

Violation: Inappropriate behavior.

During the holiday party, Michael is upset that Phyllis is Santa instead of him. So, he also pretends to be Santa and tries to force Ryan to sit on his lap since no one is paying attention to him. Needy, much?

Season 6, episode 26: Whistleblower

Violation: Allowing unsafe products to stay on the market.

After Andy lets Gabe know about the Sabre printers spontaneously catching on fire and nothing is done about it, he goes to the press. Everyone gets mad at him for snitching, but if they had a whistleblower hotline, he would have had a safe place to report such an issue without fear of retaliation.

Season 7, episode 11: Classy Christmas (Part 1)

Violation: Employee violence

After Jim and Dwight plan to have a snowball fight in the parking lot, Dwight takes it too far and attacks Jim, giving him a bloody nose. Dwight then brings the fight into the office even after he clearly won. Jim tries to retaliate and winds up breaking a window. This is why we can’t have nice things!

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