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17 Cringeworthy Customer Service Experiences Starring Your Favorite Movie Characters

Posted in Funny and tagged

A great customer service experience is like taking a breath of fresh air after being stuck inside all day. It’s pleasant, refreshing, and always puts you in a better mood. A bad customer service experience on the other hand can be straight up dreadful, and is comparable to trying to walk up an escalator moving the opposite direction. It’s frustrating, time consuming, and you never really get anywhere.

While bad customer service experiences happen all the time, we bet none of them compare to the 17 examples listed below. We took some of our favorite movie characters, stole some of their most famous lines, and put them smack dab in the middle of a bad customer service scene. Sit back, relax, and thank your lucky stars you’re not one of these customers… Enjoy!

#1. Dr. Hannibal Lecter

Location: At a Restaurant

Patron: Hey, waiter, I’ve been waiting for 15 seconds, and you still haven’t taken my drink order. What’s your problem, man?

Hannibal Lecter: Well, sir, unfortunately for you, I abide by one very critical customer service policy. “Whenever feasible, one should always try to eat the rude.” Fava beans and chianti on the side, of course.

#2. The Joker

Location: The Used Car Lot

Buyer: Hi! I’m interested in the vintage Ferrari for $100 bucks that I saw advertised on Craigslist? What an awesome deal!

The Joker: You’re 5 minutes too late. It was just snatched up. But just for coming in, why don’t you take this lovely lapel flower as a token of our appreciation?

Buyer: Wow, thanks!

The Joker: “Tell me something, my friend. You ever dance with the devil in the pale moonlight? I always ask that of all my prey. I just… like the sound of it.”

#3. Darth Vader

Location: The Wholesale Store on Sample Day

Customer: What’s in that chili? Is it chicken?

Darth Vader: It’s one-part Wookie and two-parts Jedi. Try some.

Customer: Uh… no thanks…

Darth Vader: Take it. “Your are beaten. It is useless to resist.”

Customer: No, really, that’s okay. I’m not that hungry anyway…

Darth Vader: Eat, you fool. “There is no escape. Don’t make me destroy you!”

#4. Sheriff of Nottingham

Location: The Driving School

Sheriff of Nottingham: You must pass the written test before your permit will be bestowed. Are you prepared?

Student: I don’t know. Maybe. I mean, I guess I am.

Sheriff of Nottingham: Which is it, boy? Are you prepared or ill-equipped for this exam?

Student: Um, prepared??

Sheriff of Nottingham: “If you fail, I will personally remove your lying tongue.”

#5. Dr. Evil

Location: The Bank

Account Holder: I’d like to make a deposit to my–

Dr. Evil: “Shh.”

Account Holder: –to my checking account, and–

Dr. Evil: “Shh.”

Account Holder: –Withdra–

Dr. Evil: “Shh.”

Account Holder: –Wi–

Dr. Evil: “Shh.”

Account Holder: With–

Dr. Evil: “Shh. Let me tell you a little story about a man named Shh. Even before you start, that was a preemptive Shh. Just know that I have a whole bag of Shh with your name on it.”

#6. Cyrus the Virus

Location: The Toy Store

Kid: Mommy, mommy, mommy, I want the fluffy bunny!

Mommy: I told you to wipe your hands. There is chocolate all over them! Must you destroy everything?!

Kid: But I want the fluffy bunny! I want it, I want it, I want it!! Now, now, now!! Give me the bunny, or I’ll break these LEGOS!

Cyrus the Virus: “Make a move, and the bunny gets it.”

Kid: Haha! You’re so funny, mister!

Cyrus the Virus: “I’m not plausible as a tough guy because I have an effeminate voice.”

#7. Buffalo Bill

Location: The Beauty Department

Customer: Hello. I’m running late, but I needed to quickly pick up the Young in a Jar night cream. Can you help me with that?

Buffalo Bill: The Barely Middle-Aged lotion is on sale. I would recommend that instead.

Customer: Thank  you. I’d like the Young in a Jar instead, though.

Buffalo Bill: Barely Middle-Aged lotion is better. Here’s a sample.

Customer: Look, I’m in a hurry, so I don’t really have time for-

Buffalo Bill: “It rubs the lotion on its skin. It does this whenever it is told.”

Customer: I’ll just come back later…

Buffalo Bill: “It rubs the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.”

#8. Freddy Krueger

Location: Flower Delivery Service

Nancy: Oh, how sweet. James sent me flowers!

Freddy Krueger: No, Nancy. Those flowers are from me.

Nancy: (seeing Freddy’s face) AAAGGGH!!!!

Freddy Krueger: “Why are you screaming? I haven’t even cut you yet!”

Nancy: AAAAAGGHHH!

Freddy Krueger: “I’m your boyfriend now, Nancy.”

#9. Beetlejuice

Location: Psychic “House Cleaner” Interview

Homeowner 1: We are relatively certain that a poltergeist has possessed our refrigerator. Someone is now living in there whose name is “Zul.”

Homeowner 2: So, tell me, Mr. Juice. What makes you qualified to rid our appliance of this supernatural beast?

Beetljuice: “Ah. Well…I attended Julliard… I’m a graduate of the Harvard business school. I travel quite extensively. I lived through the Black Plague and had a pretty good time during that. I’ve seen the EXORCIST ABOUT A HUNDRED AND SIXTY-SEVEN TIMES, AND IT KEEPS GETTING FUNNIER EVER SINGLE TIME I SEE IT… NOT TO MENTION THE FACT THAT YOU’RE TALKING TO A DEAD GUY… NOW WHAT DO YOU THINK? You think I’m qualified?”

Homeowner 1: Thank you, Mr. Juice. We’ll let you know one way or another.

Beetlejuice: “Ah, come on! You’re workin’ with a professional, here!”

#10. The Wicked Witch of the West

Location: The Pet Store

Customer: Hi, can you help me? I’m looking for a muzzle for my puppy. He’s teething, and-

The Wicked Witch of the West: Ouch!! “You cursed brat! Look what you’ve done!”

Customer: No, no. It was an accident. He didn’t mean to bite anybody!

The Wicked Witch of the West: “Just try and stay out of my way. Just try! I’ll get you, my pretty, and your little dog, too!”

#11. Cruella de Vil

Location: The Fast Food Counter

Customer: I’d like a number one, with cheese. Hold the pickles, extra onions.

Cruella de Vil: “Dead and meaty and red. No friends, no family, no pulse. Just slapped between two buns, smothered in onions, with fries on the side.” Would you like a Coke with that?

#12. Ursula

Location: The Matchmaker’s

Ursula: “Come in. Come in, my child. We mustn’t lurk in doorways, it’s rude. One might question your upbringing.”

Man: Hi, Ursula. I’m so lonely. I just want to meet the girl of my dreams, fall in love, and get married.

Ursula: “My dear, sweet child. That’s what I do. It’s what I live for, to help unfortunate souls, like yourself, with no one else to turn to.”

Man: Do you really think you can help me?

Ursula: “Yes. And I fortunately know a little magic. It’s a talent that I always have possessed… I use it on behalf of the miserable, the lonely and depressed!”

Man: Thank you, Ursula. I don’t know where I’d be without you.

Ursula: “Oh, and there is one more thing. We haven’t discussed the subject of payment. You can’t get something for nothing, you know.”

Man: Sure, I’ll write you a check. What is your fee?

Ursula: “I’m not asking much. Just a token really, a trifle. You’ll never even miss it. What I want from you is your voice.”

Man: But, how will I talk to her?

Ursula: Trust me, sweetcakes. It’s better if you don’t.

#13. Colonel Nathan R. Jessup

Location: The Hardware Store

Customer: Excuse me, sir. I am looking for carpeting for my bedroom that doesn’t shed. Can  you answer that question for me?

Colonel Nathan R. Jessup: “Absolutely. My answer is I don’t have the first damn clue.”

Customer: But sir, you work here, and I spend a lot of money in this place. I feel as though I’m entitled to a little assistance, or at the very least, more courteous service.

Colonel Nathan R. Jessup: “I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very [service] that I provide, and then questions the manner in which I provide it. I would rather you just said ‘thank you’ and went on your way… Either way, I don’t give a damn what you think you are entitled to.”

Customer: I’m going to speak with your manager about this. He should know the truth about his employees!

Colonel Nathan R. Jessup: “You can’t handle the truth!”

#14. Gollum

Location: The Jewelry Store

Customer: Hi. I’m hoping you can help me. My fiancée’s wedding ring is set to be engraved today, but-

Gollum: Always we are helping you. What does master need?

Customer: Well, she broke up with me. So, I need the ring back before it is engraved.

Gollum: “He wants the Precious. Always he is looking for it. And the Precious is wanting to go back to him… But we mustn’t let him have it.”

Customer: What do you mean I can’t have it? It is bought and paid for! Isn’t it bad enough that she dumped me? Come on, man. Be a friend!

Gollum: “You don’t have any friends! Nobody likes you!”

#15. Dark Helmet

Location: The Arcade

Man on a Date: Hey, dude. I’m on a first date with that amazing girl over there, and I’m trying to impress her. Can you help me out? I need to play a game that’s a guaranteed winner.

Dark Helmet: Before I help you, “there is something you should know about us.”

Man on a Date: What?

Dark Helmet: “I am your father’s brother’s nephew’s cousin’s former roommate.”

Man on a Date: What’s that make us?

Dark Helmet: “Absolutely nothing.” What I would recommend is that you spend your quarters on the claw machine. Only a fool can lose at that game.

Man on a Date: Thanks, I owe you one!

A few minutes later…

Man on a Date: You lied! You knew I was trying to make myself look good, but now I just look like a total idiot. No one could win the claw game! It’s like trying to pick up Jell-O with a feather!!

Dark Helmet: “I can’t believe you fell for it, man. That’s the oldest trick in the book! What a goof! What’s with you man? Come on!”

Man on a Date: Yeah, thanks a lot, buddy. She left. Are you happy now?

Dark Helmet: It’s your own fault. “Now you see that evil will always triumph because good is dumb.”

#16. Miranda Priestly

Location: The Doctor’s Office

Patient: Good morning. I’m supposed to have a 10:00 AM with Dr. Carlson. Are you filling in for the doctor’s first assistant, April?

Miranda Priestly: “Only when the first assistant has decided to become an incubus of viral plague.”

Patient: Oh. Well, I didn’t call to confirm the appointment. I hope he hasn’t fill the time slot already.

Miranda Priestly: “I don’t understand why it’s so difficult to confirm an appointment.”

Patient: I meant to call, but I dropped my phone in the toilet. I have it in rice to try to absorb the mess.

Miranda Priestly: “Details of your incompetence do not interest me.” Here, fill these out.

Patient: Wow, this is a lot of paperwork.

Miranda Priestly: “By all means, move at a glacial pace. You know how that thrills me.”

Patient: On page seven, what does it mean when it asks for the-

Miranda Priestly: “Please bore someone else with your… questions.”

#17. Tommy DeVito

Location: The Auto Body Shop

Tommy DeVito: For the oil change, brake realignment and tire rotation, that’s gonna be $620 even. Cash only.

Customer: I’m sorry, did you say $620, in cash?? You’ve got to be kidding me! There’s no way I can afford… Oh, oh, wait. Hahahaha. I get it. That’s funny. You really had me goin’ for a second there!

Tommy DeVito: “You mean, let me understand this cause, ya know maybe it’s me, I’m a little messed up maybe, but I’m funny how, I mean funny like I’m a clown, I amuse you? I make you laugh, I’m here to stinkin’ amuse you? What do you mean funny, funny how? How am I funny??”

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